Mother's Superiors

As a self-proclaimed recovering Catholic, I become indignant, no, enraged, when people use religion as a tool of manipulation. And although the abuse of institutionalized religion is and always will be a permanent fixture of society, I am no less aggravated by those who turn a blind eye to the endless manipulation and confusion perpetuated by self-righteous hypocrites. I am referring to those individuals and institutions that are so blinded by their evangelical calling that they are unable to recognize when their messages of truth and goodwill have become lost in the face of ambition and misguided interpretations. However, I do maintain respect for those who seek to explore human spirituality in the pursuit of truth, whether or not they choose to do so through organized religion. My only qualm is with those who abuse and distort the wisdom and truth of the spiritually enlightened doctrine to which they claim to ascribe.

A little over a year ago, I read an article in the Pasadena Weekly by Tina Dupuy entitled "Babies and Bibles" http://www.pasadenaweekly.com/cms/story/detail/babies_bibles/7127/. The story described a young undercover reporter's visit to a pregnancy clinic in Glendale. Through her own personal experience and through researching the experiences of others, Dupuy discovers that the clinic preys on young women who go in for a pregnancy test and leave "fearing eternal damnation." Pretty intense stuff, right?

The clinic, called Avenues, offers free pregnancy tests and counseling to women in an effort to help them "make the best and most responsible decision for herself and for her baby." By that description some might inquire about whether or not that includes the option of abortion. However, the pregnancy clinic's mission statement says that it seeks to affirm the "value of life" and "present Biblical truth resulting in changed lives to the glory of God." (For the full mission statement go to: http://www.avenuespregnancyclinic.com/). Avenues is a religious pro-life pregnancy clinic, a minor detail not detectable by any physical text or symbol outside of the clinic.

The problem? As Dupuy points out in her article, Avenues employs a deceptive approach to the pregnant women who visit the clinic. With a sign outside the clinic that reads, "FREE PREGNANCY TESTS," women enter the clinic expecting to be provided this service and nothing more if they so choose. As with any medical procedure, these women expect to be treated free of judgment and provided with all relevant information for their specific situation. This is not the case at Avenues.

The article describes a backroom in the facility where women seeking pregnancy tests are taken to be counseled while they await their results. They are confronted about "living in sin" and are offered the opportunity to give their life over to Jesus Christ. These women are told that their eternal soul is in jeopardy and that unless they discontinue their sinful behavior (aka sex before marriage), they are going to suffer eternal damnation.

I suppose preying on the frightened and vulnerable is a good way to get converts.

My mother, Marilu Fresquez, worked as the managing RN at Avenues for a year and a half. After approximately three months into her employment at Avenues, my mother's supervisor banned her from entering this backroom with patients present. The only individual at the clinic with a license to practice medicine was not allowed with patients during their initial intake.

Perhaps it would be too much of a conflict of interest to provide accurate medical information to the same individual who is being told that she should prioritize forgiveness over her own physical well-being?

But why make skeptical assumptions when I can make a thoroughly educated assumption based on first-hand information? Had my mother followed suit with the traditional procedure of scaring women into agreeing to keep their baby and committing to practicing abstinence, there would have been no reason to remove her. As a nurse however, my mother's first commitment is to provide her patients with accurate medical advice, not holy conversion.

But this was not the first nor last time the clinic has, in my opinion, unjustly singled out their only licensed medical practitioner. As a precursor to the banning several months ago, my mother received an exceptionally low score on her employee evaluation from her supervisor at Avenues. She was very embarrassed and upset by these results but eventually explained to me the reason that they gave her for the low score. This time, her superiors were very clear:

"Marilu Fresquez has a low rate of salvations."

A low rate of who? What??! Have we reverted back to the 14th century Holy Roman Empire??

With the new information I have about the clinic and better understanding of its bottom line, the downgrade in her score for not converting enough vulnerable pregnant women to Christianity no longer comes as a terrible shock. However, I am no less disgusted that rather than being evaluated on her ability to provide medical expertise, she is being punished for making the physical well-being of her patients the highest priority.

In spite of the religious extremism practiced by the clinic, I will point out that what Dupuy does not mention in her article are the generous donations of time and resources (baby food, diapers, clothes etc.) that Avenues provides for expectant mothers who do choose to keep their babies. But then again, whose "choice" is it really? Both my mother and my initial view of pregnancy clinics like Avenues was that it provided assistance to women by easing their transitions to motherhood - not forcing them to have their baby and convert or face an eternity of damnation. My mother has worked in prenatal care for many years and could have had a much more prestigious position with double the salary at a legitimate hospital. Instead she chose a lesser paying job so that she could be of service to women unable to afford healthcare and lacking the resources and education to properly provide for a newborn child.

At this point I might initiate a discussion on Planned Parenthood and probably juxtapose the two. However let's face it, there is no comparison. At any rate, I'm not up for the controversy today...

P.S. Mom works at Red Cross now. She is very happy. More to come.

So it goes

No politics today. I am going to give you a much-dreaded update about my life. I totally hate this shit too. And for whatever reason, I constantly feel compelled to confront the things I despise because I assume that it's generally good for me or healthy or something. It's how I conquer my fears and stuff. Man, I don't know.

So I'm at a point where if one more person asks me what I'm doing with my life I'll probably yell loudly or throw something. But fine ok...I'm the irrational one...I'm the one who at this point should have a decent response or at least a simple line figured out to deliver to the world.
The fact of the matter is that I did have a plan and Obama ruined it. Thanks to that liberal-minded, even-tempered, half-black, Ivy league, community-organizing politician in swaddling clothes, my life course has run amok.

I had plans to go to the Peace Corps after college. I was going to pursue two years of non-political, peace-loving philanthropy teaching English somewhere in Central Asia. Initially I was to leave in July of '08 - just two months after graduation. Due to a fluke in my medical records this date was eventually pushed back to September...thereby extending my post-graduation-move-back-home period. Knowing that I couldn't commit to a "serious" job with the little time I had left in the states, I started working at a Spanish restaurant near my house to sustain myself for the time being and set aside some money for my time abroad.

It was during this time that I quickly became consumed in the madness of the 2008 election. Here I go... It really seemed like Obama might be the vessel through which we could usher in a new era of progressive politics and a return to godless liberalism. My excitement eventually evolved into an addiction. I couldn't get through the day without a heavy dose of the Huffington Post, MSNBC or various other online publications and bloggs. The 24-hour news cycle owned me and I had willingly enslaved myself to it. In addition, I had subscribed to several major liberal, political progressive groups online...Consequently, my gmail account was flooded with emails from Davide Plouffe, Bono and the MoveOn team. I was even a little bothered by the fact that my Peace Corps assignment would send me away before the election. I dealt with this by reminding myself that I live in the blue blue state of California...making it a little easier to accept the questionable nature of voting absentee.

My biggest concerns at that time were both confirmed and assuaged when I got the next round of bad news from my Peace Corps recruiter. Due to yet another complication (not my fault by the way) with my application, my applicant status was placed on hold and all of the spots for the September assignments had been filled. I was completely devastated and extremely frustrated. As much as I knew most of it had to do with internal inefficiencies and poor communication within what is after all, a government organization, my friends and family later assured me that all of these hold-ups and complications were probably a "sign" or something that was "meant to be." I absolutely hate it when people say that - especially when they're right. It never makes you feel better ya know? Not immediately anyway. Immediately its just a bad set of circumstances that has no meaning. Unfortunately lately I'm beginning to believe in fate again. I say unfortunately because I hate being wrong too. The next assignment for my program, they told me, would ship me out in March. So, between my obsession with politics and the election and having nothing to between September and March I decided to do the only thing that was equally if not more important to me at the time as being in the Peace Corps - I went to work for the Obama campaign in Ohio.

Around early November while I was still in Ohio, I received my official Peace Corps placement, the Kyrgyz Republic. I received this news at about 2 or 3 in the morning via a phone call from my brother in LA. I had just about enough energy left to google it and visit only the most reliable, accurate, up-to-date, , user-friendly site I could think of, Wikipedia. Eyes half-open I clicked on what seemed like an interesting link, traditions. If you visit the site, you'll notice that all that's listed in this section is a couple lines of information about the illegal but still prevalent practice of bridenapping. Check it out here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kyrgyzstan or this very informative PBS Frontline documentary: http://www.pbs.org/frontlineworld/stories/kyrgyzstan/thestory.html. Don't knock it til you've tried it, right? I slept well that night.

I did not end up accepting the invitation - shocker. But hold your assumptions, my decision was not simple or easy by any means. It was not motivated by fear or cultural conflict. I was perfectly aware that I might end up somewhere as backwards and the Kyrgyz Republic and initially, was fully prepared to accept an invitation to absolutely anywhere in Central Asia. Sure Thailand or the Caribbean would have been more difficult to turn down but when I said I would be willing to go anywhere, I meant it....And I know, I know I'm getting defensive here but it's just so you guys don't think I'm wimpy...cuz I'm not wimpy, I'm tough.

After having my grace period to make a decision extended (I informed my Peace Corps representative from DC that I was still working on the campaign and would not have an answer until I returned to LA), I began to realize how much I'd changed since I started working on the campaign...it wasn't a personality or character change but more of a shift in my life/career focus. I felt much more empowered and eager to take advantage of having full control of the next phase of my life. Working on a campaign can be like working on an assembly line - you are one of hundreds of underpaid drones working for the intangible output of a giant machine.

A man I met in the O'Hare airport helped me put things into perspective. His name was Jared Cohen. He was sitting across for me by our gate and told me he'd never seen anyone sleep so comfortably in an airport. This was during my layover on my way to the post-election wrap-up in Denver. I felt like a pile of rocks. We started chatting and I told him all about my campaign work, where I was going and what I planned to do afterward. I think his response to my telling him about Kyrgyzstan (a country to which he'd been, btw) was somewhere along the lines of, "the Peace Corps is something for college kids who don't know what they want to do with their life." He was actually paying me a compliment. Given my interests and experience, it seemed to him that I might consider applying to work for an NGO or a job in the foreign ministry. In other words, something that would place me on a more distinct career path and allow me to work toward something without extremely limited resources and third-world conditions. Essentially, I had the drive and motivation to go any route I chose as opposed to working for an organization like the Peace Corps that basically would, on a certain level, dictate the next two years of my life - including my placement and assignment.

In order to give a more detailed explanation of why I turned down the Peace Corps besides meeting an interesting man in an airport, I'd have to, among other things, explain what my initial motivation was for choosing that particular organization in the first place (versus the plethora of other international volunteer programs) but I won't. I think the idea's pretty clear here.

On a side note, as it turns out, that Cohen character has written a couple books about the mid-east and worked for Condoleeza Rice as a public policy aid. Go figure...
BBC Morning News: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqksHJfOECI
The Colbert Report: http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/147625/january-15-2008/jared-cohen
Huffington Post blog: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jared-cohen/the-arab-israeli-conflict_b_157989.html

So here I am now...back in LA. I spent most of the end of December and beginning of January searching for jobs on the east coast. I have a degree in Public Relations and International Relations and figured that my academic history and recent political involvement would be enough to qualify me for a decent job in the non-profit or political sector. I considered a public policy fellowship in DC and an urban development organization in New York among some other stuff.

But then I decided to get back into acting. Ya, I know.

I'm from Southern California I should know better. I haven't told my father yet. When he finds out I'm doing this for the next year instead of taking the LSAT, I will be a strategic distance away. Since I was very young I knew that acting was something I wanted to do or at least try. When I told my parents that that's what I wanted to do my father would tell me that "all actors do is wait...wait for auditions, wait to be called back, wait tables...etc.." He's pretty much right. It is an insanely competitive, heartless profession fueled by egocentric, hopeful, starry-eyed narcissists.

That said, I am working with Jeremiah Comey, thus far a brilliant acting coach with a studio in Studio City and Mae and Frances Ross in La Crescenta and will most likely get my head shots through Begley & Clark photography http://www.begleyandclark.com/. I went to USC with Devin Begley and Nick Clark and they're pretty talented dudes - I encourage you to check out their stuff.

So the rest will follow. I am sacrificing a lot for this but I refuse to remain curious about most things in life.


...that's how Obama threw me ridiculously, unapologetically and terrifically off track.

A New Day

In all fairness, I technically began this posting on Inauguration Day but was just so overwhelmed with excitement that I only made it through to writing a title and forewent any substantive commentary regarding my emotional state.

Despite my oh so jaded and cynical view on politics and government in this country since my trying days as a campaign worker (yes, I will absolutely milk my efforts for the Obama campaign until someone slaps me in the face and tells me otherwise) I reconciled my need to squelch my starry Obama eyes for January 20. My brother Dan reminded me that it would indeed be the last official day to indulge in one last frivolous celebration in traditional Obamamania fashion. But what really gave me the extra push of motivation to get out, celebrate and really soak in the glory of the day was the fact that January 20 officially marked the end of the George W. Bush nightmare - it really was a day to dance with munchkins. He may not be dead, folks, but life ain't perfect.

I awoke that morning to sounds of marching bands and my mom screaming at me to get up and watch the opening ceremonies of what seemed to be an Olympic-esque approach to this year's inauguration. Naturally I rolled over and mumbled something about Crystal Method and going to watch the speech later that night at the Mayan. She kept screaming

Hosted by the blessed burner folk in traditional DJ Wolfie fashion at the Mayan in downtown LA, an inaugural ball took place featuring the Mutator and Crystal Method. At the beginning of the night, Obama's speech and swearing in was projected onto several large screens. Surrounded by hundreds of artists, burners, women on stilts and regular old proud liberals like myself (not nearly as cool but equally as enthusiastic), an intense energy swept over the room like a cloud of eucalyptus sauna mist so thick it was hard to breathe. One last time I could sit and be proud of the accomplishment of this country in the 2008 election with a very big dumb smile on my face. I allowed myself to become overcome by the joy of the moment despite the impending harsh reality of the future...butterflies...rainbows...It was a fantastic celebration.


But...if you think about it, how celebratory of a mood could Obama really have been in on that day? Imagine an Ed McMahon character showing up to your door but instead of a million dollar check he hands you a contract that once signed, requires you to inherit a shit ton of debt. Break out the balloons and ticker tape.

I mean, we're all pullin' for you Barack but damn.

However things turn out with this guy, I will forever be shocked and amazed that in my lifetime, I attended an event in honor of the new president that was put on by some of the most artsy, psychadelic, hippiest young adults in Los Angeles...which makes me wonder...what is the central motivation for all of the fuss?...our dislike of W or our obsession with Obama?

At one point while Obama's speech was being projected at the Mayan, a portion of the audience started booing and shouting expletives as the camera focused in on W at the inauguration. Then suddently, a young woman in a silver sequins tube top covered in sparkling rainbow glitter and artsy decorative flowers painted on her face stood up in response and yelled, "stop it you guys...today is about the LOVE!" The shouting gradually subsided.

I, of course, giggled softly and quietly condemned myself for being swept up in the energy of the angry mob of Bush haters. I had to remind myself that I'd agreed to check my cynicism and anger and returned to my dumb smile. Later on in the night things got a little hazy and at some point I ended up onstage with Crystal Method..one of those girls..ya mmhmmm. Don't judge. Like I said, the night was fantastic.


Thank you tube top lady, thank you.